Touhou Bad End Theatre
by Mimic Teruyo
Summary: We all know Touhou games end with a happy tea party. But what about those endings that were never even a remote possibility in the real games? The gory, the apocalyptic, and the plain silly and contrived, what might they be like? Find out now.
1. UFO - Unfair Flare Overdrive

_Touhou Bad End Theatre Presents:_

**_Unidentified Fantastic Object ~ Unfair Flare Overdrive_**

* * *

High above the dark hills and plains of Hokkai flew a shrine maiden. Her green hair and the paper decorations of her gohei rustled as she blazed through the air, firing at the alien fairies of the realm whenever they crossed her path, her eyes fixed on her goal: the distant glow in the horizon that uncannily resembled the sun. How long had it been since she had last seen the real sun? She couldn't tell. Time in Makai seemed to flow differently from what she was used to.

Sanae dodged to the left, avoiding the barrage of bullets a group of fairies had aimed at her more out of reflex than anything else, her mind puzzling over what was lying ahead.

Just what would the ancient being she was trying to find really be like? All the youkai she had met on her way had spoken of their leader in an almost reverent tone: they certainly were devoted, holding her in high esteem after a thousand years. However, a friend of youkai could very well be the enemy of mankind. Exactly why she had been sealed away all those years ago if she truly was as wonderful a person as the tiger youkai had said?

Hardly paying any attention to the orb of light that had appeared before her, Sanae let her imagination get the better of her. What if the sealed youkai was a serious threat to Gensokyo? A veritable monster hellbent on destroying all humans? If that was the case, she, Sanae, would be there to save the day. Lady Kanako and Lady Suwako would be ever so pleased.

She reached the spot where the youkai was supposed to be, and saw bronze shackles lying on the ground, broken and abandoned. Her heart beat loudly inside her chest.

Then, she saw a blinding light in the corner of her eye and turned her head, shielding her eyes with the hand holding her gohei.

At first, all she could see was a humanoid figure floating in the middle of harsh, blinding light; in fact, it looked like the light was actually coming from the figure. Sanae winced and squinted her eyes. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the glare and she got a better look at the figure.

It was a tall, elegant woman, smiling serenely with her eyes closed, as if not quite in this world. She looked both young and old at the same, as was typical of older youkai; she was dressed in an exquisite silk gown with black and white cross patterns, framed by a long red cape and two-toned hair. In her hands, she held a strange scroll, no doubt magical, sporting all the colours of the rainbow the Slowly, she began to show signs of stirring; her eyelids slid open, and she gazed upwards with her amber-coloured eyes.

"Ah, the world of dharma is filled with light." Her rich and melodious voice resonated all around Sanae: inadvertently, she shivered.

Just then, the youkai's eye fell upon Sanae. "Ah, are you here to celebrate my resurrection?" Her eyes narrowed. "Or are you a human here to stop me?"

Words died in Sanae's throat and she blinked rapidly. During her short life, she had met many creatures far greater than herself, but the youkai's presence still had her in awe. However, she quickly gathered herself. This wasn't the time to show nervousness: she couldn't allow the youkai to see her as a weakling, especially not after that veiled threat.

"Stop you from doing what?" she asked coolly, pointing the tip of her gohei at the youkai. She hoped she didn't see her hand shaking. When the youkai didn't answer, she continued: "I thought as much. I'm warning you: should you threaten the people of Gensokyo station in any way, I'll exterminate you once and for all."

"Ah." The youkai didn't seem too miffed. Maybe she knew that 'extermination' in modern Gensokyo meant 'a light beat-up, followed by tea and rice cakes' "May I at least introduce myself first?"

"Are you simply trying to buy time, or are you actually going to explain to me who you are?"

"Does it matter? The battle won't start until my theme song starts playing, and that won't start until we have exchanged a certain amount of dialogue."

Sanae shrugged. "Fine." The youkai sure seemed knowledgeable of modern customs for some sealed away for a thousand years. "So, tell me: who are you?"

"I am Byakuren Hijiri." The youkai said with a courteous nod. "Once, I was a Buddhist nun. Now, I'm the messiah of Youkai."

"Is that so?" Sanae cocked an eyebrow. These final bosses were getting stupider by the day, if Reimu and Marisa were to be believed. They had told her incredible tales of demons and fallen angels from magical dimensions; of seraph-winged creatures with dead eyes and enough power to set the world alight by mistake. She had been dying to face against a final boss of her very own, and what did she get? A crazed old nun with ridiculous hair and a penchant for breaking the fourth wall. Oh joy. This sure wasn't the player character début she had expected. What was going to be next, a DJ with dog ears? Or better yet, an angry salmon?

Still, she was a professional, and would finish the task given to her as swiftly and gracefully as possible. "Two more lines until your theme kicks off?"

"Actually, just one," said Byakuren and shot a yellow beam of light through Sanae's torso. "Your inner thoughts counted as two dialogue boxes," she said helpfully as Sanae started coughing up blood.

"But but but...I thought you were up to speed with modern customs! You're not supposed to use real magic anymore!" Sanae sputtered, desperately trying to stay upright and conscious. The beam that had pierced her hadn't leaved any visble signs, but her innards were burning up in inexpressible pain.

"Oh, really now?" Byakuren smiled angelically and shot another beam at her, this time straight through her head. "I must have missed the memo."

All life was knocked out of Sanae, and her lifeless form fell down to the oddly patterned ground of Hokkai with a thud.

"Lady Hijiri!" a voice cried. Byakuren turned around to see her faithful follower, Shou Toramaru, flying towards her.

"Ah, Shou," she said, smiling. "Excellent timing."

Shou stopped in the air next to her and bowed deeply. "My lady, to be able to see you again - I'm at a loss for words!"

"That is quite alright, Shou," Byakuren said, placing her hand on the tiger youkai's head. "You have been a good follower. Pray tell me, how are the others?"

Shou looked up, pure joy still in her eyes. "The others are alive and well, my lady. We've done our best to spread your wisdom, but alas, we haven't been all that successful. The forces of our kind have been dwindling, with but a few bastions left in this realm. But now, Lady Byakuren," she beamed up at her, "now that you are here, I'm sure the youkai will prosper again."

"I see." Byakuren still looked calm, but a slight frown had appeared on her forehead. "Do you know who she was?" she asked, nudging her head towards the corpse.

"Her, my lady?" Shou looked down and shrugged. "A shrine maiden from Gensokyo, our greatest stronghold. Even there, the followers of the Shinto religion and the admissibility of youkai extermination are widespread. However, the leader of the shrine maidens is an uncharismatic lout. She's powerful, but unpopular, and I'm sure we can take over Gensokyo without bloodshed. Or, well," she cast another glance at the corpse. "without more bloodshed, at least."

Byakuren nodded. "Very well. Shou, I ask you to forget about this unpleasant incident. It'd be better for both of us to forget all about this miserable human, bless her soul."

Shou nodded deeply and crossed her arms across her chest. "Very well: so it shall be. Please follow me, my lady. We should leave Makai as soon as possible. Murasa and the others are already waiting."

"Pray, Shou, show me the way."

And so, not a single soul remained in Hokkai.

...well, except for all the fairies.

...and perhaps Nue.

Uhh...

**THE END**

* * *

A/N: 'Sup? Mimic Teruyo here, and I'm looking for a proofreader. Y'know, someone to read my fics before they're posted and make sure there are no spellung errers (because I myself cannot be trusted to spot any of them.) and possibly some more involved stuff as well. Do you have a good eye for detail and don't mind reading my stuff? Drop me a line.

Anyway, thanks for reading and see you around.


	2. SA - Burn, Baby, Burn

_**Subterranean Animism ~ Burn, Baby, Burn**_

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

_"You might be. I know I'm not. I'm too busy enjoying the good life back home."_

Reimu gave Yukari an ugly look, one of the finest she had ever managed to pull off. Too bad Yukari was at the Hakurei Shrine and unable to see it. "Have fun while you can. Once I'm done with this nonsense, I'm going to boot you out before you finish saying: 'Thanks for the tea.'"

_"Trust me, I would never say that,"_ Yukari's voice echoed from the orbs floating around Reimu.

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Don't I know it."

_"Speaking of which, those rice crackers you had hidden under the floorboards were rather dry."_

Reimu flight came to a screeching halt, and she hovered in place in what was unbeknownst to her the very heart of the Nuclear Furnace. "I told you not to touch any of my snacks!"

_"I didn't lay a finger on them."_

"Uh huh?"

_"I simply gapped them straight into my mouth."_

A vein popped in Reimu's head. "You know what, the next time we have an incident I'm not going to lift a finger unless you put your ass on the line too."

_"Oh?"_ Yukari sounded amused.

"I mean it!" Reimu grew louder by the word. "Here I am, literally in Hell,"

_"Former Hell."_

"Former Hell. Doesn't make it better. I'm here, expecting my hair to catch fire any moment now, and the final boss still hasn't shown up. At this rate, I'll be burned to a crisp before the lazy bitch has finished eating her breakfast or applying her makeup or whatever." She paused to wipe the sweat off her forehead. "And let me tell you, the view here is NOT worth the trip." She glared at the dark core above her.

_"Burning to a crisp builds character."_

"In that case," said Reimu, unaware of the hell raven descending down from the core as she spoke. "maybe we should try setting you on fire once I get back from this hell hole. Who knows, it-"

"I finally found you!" the hell raven exclaimed.

Reimu waved her quiet. "Not now. It might cure you from your laziness or from your penchant for eating my food-." She paused, and stared at the hell raven. "Hold on. I think I found the final boss."

_"Yes, I heard her. I was wondering when you'd notice_," Yukari said gleefully.

"Shut up." Reimu focused her attention on the hell raven. "Took your sweet time to get here, didn't you?" Before the hell raven could reply, she continued: "You're the one behind this mess." It wasn't a question.

"Mess?" The hell raven looked confused. "I haven't made any messes lately! Lady Satori told me that if I broke up any more stuff she'd decrease my snack rations."

"That's not what I meant." Reimu took a brief break from the conversation to massage her temples. "Look, let's just cut the crap, shall we?"

The hell raven frowned. "Lady Satori said 'crap' is a bad word."

"I don't care what Lady Satori says as long as our rating allows it." Reimu crossed her arms. "Look, I know you're the final boss, and that were going to fight no matter what. So, how about we just forget about the script and speed things up? It's not like anyone cares about the plot: just tell me your name, say something threatening, and Bob's our uncle."

The hell raven blinked. "Who's my uncle?"

"Nevermind that. Just tell me your name and say something that works as an excuse for starting a fight."

"Umm..." Suddenly, the hell raven smiled. "Okay, I'm Utsuho Reiuji, but my friends call me Okuu. Nice to meet ya!" Then, she hesitated. "Umm, what should I say next?"

"Whatever comes to your mind, I don't really care. Something you think sounds cool."

Utsuho thought about it for a moment, concentrating furiously. Then, with a grin, she said: "I have a destiny: a destiny to blow up the planet!" She shot an energy beam into the air. "After I beat you, that is. Let's danmaku!"

Reimu facepalmed.

_"You're the one who told her to say something cool."_

"I know, I know. I should've been more specific." Reimu raised her gohei. "Okay, let's just get this over with."

Okuu beamed at her. "Okay!" Then she beamed at her.

Reimu lunged to the side, barely dodging the energy beam. Even then, the heat emanating from the beam was enough char the edges of her detached sleeves. "Woah."

Okuu laughed. "You haven't seen anything yet!" She raised her arms to her sides. A dozen beams appeared all at once from the giant eye on her chest and shot through the air in a circular pattern like solar beams.

The first set, Reimu barely got out of the way on time.

The second one, she dodged effortlessly.

The third one, she grazed for extra points.

By the forty-seventh, she was getting bored.

* * *

_"Hey, Reimu?"_

"Yeah?"

_"Are you alright? I haven't heard from you in half an hour."_

"I'm fine. Hey, check this out: Marisa left this book at the shrine the other day. I was going to return it to her before I solved this incident, but I didn't see her, so. Anyway, it's incredibly corny."

_"You're reading a book? What about the battle?"_

"Oh, it's still going on," Reimu replied, and instinctively dodged beam attack #283 as she turned the page. "Listen to this: 'Sweat fragrant like perfume ran in rivulets down from her milky white shoulders, down her pert, supple bosom, her luscious thighs, her moist- I can't believe she actually reads this crap."

_"Her moist what?_" Yukari asked, curiosity piqued.

"Her moist-" the rest was drowned out by the whirr of beam attack #284.

"_Ah, yes."_ Yukari said. "_Didn't know lasers could be moist."_

"No, that was Utsuho. Doesn't this birdbrain have any other attacks?"

_"I wouldn't know. Her raw power and endurance are impressive, however. I'd like to see a battle between her and Yuuka Kazami some day."_

"Yuuka's battle strategy doesn't suck, though."

Yukari laughed. "_If you're that annoyed, why don't you tell her to get her game on?_"

"Because this isn't Yu-Gi-Oh! GX." Even so, after beam attack #285 she flew to her right to catch Utsuho's eye.

"Hey, birdbrain!" She yelled out. "This is so boring I'd rather die! Finish me off already!"

"Okay?" Utsuho said, and zapped her armcannon at her head. Reimu eeped and dodged to the side.

"Hey, what gives? I thought you were giving up!"

"I didn't mean I was giving up! I wanted to say that you're boring me!"

Utsuho looked shocked. "Eh?"

"Do you always fight like a complete imbecile?" Have you ever heard of having more than one attack? Seriously-" she pointed at Utsuho. Utsuho lowered her own hand and stared. "Do you know who I am? I've been a shrine maiden for the better part of a decade, and I've seen some serious shit that would make the hairs on the back of neck stand up."

"I don't have hair on the back of my neck." Utsuho said, blinking.

"That's not the point. What I mean is that I've fought vampires, ghosts, fallen angels, lunarians, gods, reality warpers, and annoying little fairies, and each and every one of them had better attacks than you. And I beat each and every one of them. Well, except maybe for the fairy." She shook her head and continued: "I've seen every single trick in the book. I WROTE half the section on homing bullets in the book. Hell, I fought for years before the spell card rules were implemented, and I'm still alive. What does that say about me?"

"Uhh, that you're really strong?" Utsuho scratched the side of her head with the cannon arm.

"That too, but also that I'm really freaking good at dodging. How do you think you're going to defeat me by shooting straight beams and nothing else? Use a spellcard already!"

Okuu floated in place for quite some while, looking at her feet. Well, foot and lump of congealed matter.

"Umm..."

"What? Don't tell me you don't have any."

"I do, but..."

"But?"

"You see, it took you so long to get here and for me to find you that I got really bored...and then I got really hungry...and there wasn't food around in the core and..."

"Wait, wait, wait." Reimu raised her palm. "Are you trying to tell me you actually _ate_ your spellcards?"

Utsuho's head hung even lower. "They looked pretty tasty."

"Uh huh. This is just fantastic. So, all you have is that beam attack?"

"Yeah."

Reimu sighed. "Worst. Boss fight. Ever."

Utsuho was crestfallen. "Can't I do anything to make it better?"

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, why don't we have a boss fight clinic right here and now? Let's see; you're really powerful, but that won't do much unless you can do something interesting with that power. Since you have no spellcards and your only other attack is crap, why don't you just forget all about danmaku and blow up the damn planet already?"

Okuu thought about for a while. "Okay." she said.

* * *

"Now you've done it."

"I'm sorry! I didn't think this would happen! I just-"

"I don't blame you: I was talking to Reimu."

"What, so you're blaming me? It was sarcasm!"

"What's sarcasm?"

"See?"

"How was I supposed to know she doesn't understand sarcasm?"

"Can one even discuss aesthetics without first defining beauty?"

"...What?"

"That wasn't me." Yukari pointed at a random passer-by. "It's not my fault this place is so crammed with people I can barely hear my own voice."

"I keep telling you, I didn't mean it!" Reimu snapped.

She, Yukari, and Utsuho were all occupying the same bench in one of the many waiting rooms in the Ministry of Right and Wrong. The bench was hard and uncomfortable, but they were lucky to even have it: the waiting room was absolutely crammed full of noisy, exasperated people, with stressed-out shinigami rushing to and fro, squeezing their ways through the masses. One shinigami, passing by them, suddenly halted and turned to face them.

"Hey, Reimu, long time no see. How's it going?"

"Hi, Komachi. I'm feeling just peachy." Reimu shot a nasty glare at the shinigami. "How do you think it's going?"

Komachi grinned. "You sure managed to cause a lot of trouble this time around, Reimu. Lady Eiki is flipping mad! I've ferried souls the whole day without a break and she's still yelling at me." She yawned and stretched her arms.

"Oh yes, I can tell you're working very hard right now." Then, an unpleasant thought crept into her mind. "The Enma's angry at me? Is that going to affect my judgement? I keep telling you, this isn't my fault!"

"That's what she said," Yukari said, giggling.

"Shut up!"

"Your judgement will be impartial. However," Komachi crossed her hands behind the back of her head, "you did indirectly blow up the entire world, killing everyone on it, sooo...if nothing else, you're up for a good scolding. Then again, considering how much karma you had even before this incident, it's a miracle you even got here."

"Uh huh. So why did we get ferried to this side if we're so awful and bad?"

"Huh? Am I bad?" Utsuho said, looking at the others worriedly.

"I don't know about you," Yukari said, still smiling, "but we two certainly are."

"And proud of it too, I see," Komachi said. She turned back towards Reimu. "See, since everyone died at the same time, there were no funerals, and no-one to give the dead money for the ferry trip. In other words, we couldn't tell who deserved to get here and who didn't. It was either take everyone or take no-one. You can guess which option we opted for."

"Oh, great." Reimu groaned. She leaned back. "Hell, here I come."

"Eh, cheer up. It's not all bad." Yukari said, patting her head. "I'm going to Hell too, and so's a whole bunch of other people. They don't have the resources to make us all suffer, that's for sure."

"That's true." Komachi said giddily. "Believe me, Hell's going to descent into full-blown anarchy sooner than later. I mean, we were completely in the red even before this, and now...who knows what's going to happen? Not me."

"What's the point in even judging us then?" Reimu asked bitterly.

Komachi shrugged "That's Lady Eiki to you. She'd work herself to death if she wasn't immortal."

Just then, a harried-looking shinigami holding a long list pushed through the crowd. "Hakurei, Reimu?"

Reimu smiled wearily and got up from the bench. "Guess my time is up"

Komachi winked at her. "Don't worry, Reimu. It only hurts once."

"Wait for me on the other side." Yukari said, smirking. Reimu pulled a face at her before following the shinigami out of the waiting room and into the frying pan.


	3. MoF - A Drink From the Firehose

_**Mountain of Faith ~ A Drink From the Firehose**_

* * *

Sometimes, when she was really bored, Reimu wondered what it would be like if someone wrote her memoirs.

They would be as schizophrenic as could be, that she knew: after all, fifty weeks of any given year of her life consisted of nothing more than sitting around at the shrine, keeping the courtyard clean as she waited for donations that never appeared, harassed daily by countless youkai trying to mooch off her. And then, something would happen: and suddenly, she would have to save spring, or the moon, and curb stomp anyone who tried to oppose her, all fire and action.

And then there were times like these.

If someone did write her memoirs, Reimu thought, would they cut out the parts where she sat in the air, sometimes for hours, just waiting for her next foe to appear? The story of her life would be meandering enough without the constant delays between battles. Who would want to read that?

She had been waiting for nearly an hour just below the peak of Youkai Mountain, floating above a lake which had "THIS IS IT" written all over it in bright green letter. How the newcomer god she was going to trounce had managed to write on water, she couldn't guess.

(If she had paid closer attention to the sign by the lake, she would have known it said: "The Wind God's Lake ~ tresspassers will be fed to the Mishaguji")

The last rays of sunlight vanished into the horizon. She sighed and wished she had bought the portable clock the kappa had tried to sell her after all. She had had plenty of opportunities to do so, what with one of the peddlers having followed her for the better half of the journey. She could only hope her potential memoir-writer would leave out the bit where she had used the peddler as a living shield against the green-haired shrine maiden's wind magic.

Then, finally, just as she was about to call it quits and set camp for the night, a sound akin to fireworks resonated over the lake and a lady with poofy purple hair and a rope circle affixed to her back appeared in a flurry of autumn leaves.

Reimu was unimpressed and squinted her eyes. "Are you a goddess?" she asked.

The lady smiled. "Some people call me that. And they call me that because I am one. Kanako Yasaka, of the Moriya corporation. Charmed."

"The Moriya what?"

"The Moriya corporation. I suppose our name hasn't spread here to the boonies." she floated over, her legs crossed, and pulled out a small leather case from under her skirt. She opened it and took out a business card, then offered it to Reimu with both hands.

Reimu eyed the card suspiciously. "What is this?" she asked, poking the edge of the card.

Kanako frowned. "You're supposed to read it and then take it graciously. Good heavens, don't you know what a business card is?"

Reimu ignored her and read the card. Kanako Yasaka, chief executive of the Moriya corporation.

"Thanks, I guess." She took the card and crumbled it into her side pocket. Based on the disapproving look on Kanako's face this wasn't the right thing to do, either. Sheesh.

"So anyway, why are you here?" she asked. Better get the banter out of the way and move to the "smashing the opponent's face in with the Hakurei Yin-Yang Orb"-part as soon as possible.

Kanako cleared her throat. "Moriya corporation is one of the founder members of the United Goddess Alliance (UGA), founded to protect the rights and livelihood of native goddesses in this modern secular world. We specialise in faith-redistribution services, and at present time we have secured fifty-two per cent of Japan's market share. By locating the shrines of our affiliate goddesses at reasonable distances from each other and practising proper promotion we are able to redistribute faith in a fair and profitable way."

Reimu rolled her eyes. The speech had sounded more than a little rehearsed. "That's great and all, but didn't answer my question. What does that have to do with us? Why did you come to Gensokyo?"

Kanako smiled, a snake-like look in her snake-like eyes. "We are always looking to expand into new territories. I'm here to negotiate with the local chief deity to find new and more efficient ways to increase their faith income."

"Yeah, out of the pure kindness of your heart, I'm sure." Reimu said sardonically.

Kanako actually laughed at that. "You catch on quickly. Obviously, this is business: according to our research, despite the small population people here are highly spiritual. That is, the perfect location for one of our shrines. Therefore," she crossed her hands. "I request a business meeting with your patron deity post-haste." She squinted her eyes. "You are the head shrine maiden of territory, are you not?"

Reimu stared at her. Then slowly, she began to grin, and finally to chuckle.

Kanako scoffed. "You find me calling you the head shrine maiden amusing? If you are not her, kindly go and fetch her now."

"No, I am the head shrine maiden." Reimu smirked, but there was no mirth in her smile. "It's something else."

"Please, enlighten me."

"Fine," Reimu said, still smirking. "Thing is, I don't have a goddess. I placed a tin can in the hall where she's supposed to reside as a placeholder. In fact, there is no chief deity here: all the gods who live here are minor at best, and the people here don't give a crap about faith. In other words, I highly doubt this 'territory,'" she made air quotes, "is one you really want to stay in."

She had expected Kanako to scowl. Instead, her smile kept widening.

"Are you telling me...there are no real shrines here? That no deity here has a sustainable following? That this is practically untapped land when it comes to faith?"

"Perhaps," Reimu said warily. She didn't like the glint in Kanako's eyes. "What is it to you?"

At that, Kanako threw her hair backwards and began laughing like there was no tomorrow. Reimu stared at her.

Finally, when the hysterical laughter had gone on for several minutes, she piped in loudly: " I don't think it's that funny."

"Oh, but it is, it truly is," Said Kanako, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "Business 101, my dear: in today's competitive world, even the slightest edge in market share can be a tremendous boon. And to think this area just fell into our lap!"

Reimu glared at her. "It's not yours yet."

Kanako waved her hand dismissively. "If what you said is true, that is only a matter of days." She revealed more of her teeth. "Do not fear; becoming a UGA territory will also greatly benefit Gensokyo. Think of the faith pouring in! Development funds! Tourism revenues!

Reimu blinked. "Tourism?"

"Why, yes." said Kanako. flicking off some imaginary dust from her shoulder. "Naturally, a quaint little territory such as this is an ideal destination for native and foreign visitors alike." She sighed. "Just think of all the profits!"

Reimu suppressed a shudder. "That's not an option. The border would collapse."

"If the border is in the way of capitalism, it ought to be done with anyway."

Reimu gritted her teeth and raised her gohei. "No way. I won't allow it."

Kanako laughed and pulled something new from beneath her skirt: a black metal object Reimu didn't recognise. She pointed it at Reimu. "That is all the same. My assistant Sanae is ready to take a position here, and for a commerce section this size she is the only Faith Redistribution Manager (FRM) we need. After all, redundant personnel creates surplus expenses."

Reimu blinked. "What?"

Kanako smiled. A sharp click rang from the metal object. "Translation: we only have need for one shrine maiden."

**THE END**


	4. PoFV - Convallaria Majalis

_**Phantasmagoria of Flower View - Convallaria Majalis**_

* * *

Sanzu River. The border between the world of the living and the next one, shrouded in never shifting mist. All was quiet - well, save for the sound of a tall shinigami singing loudly to herself as she rowed across the river.

"La-la-laa la-la-laa la-la-laa-laa-la-la-la-la-laa..."

Komachi stopped singing and jumped deftly to the shore as soon as the ferry hit the riverbank. She yawned and let her eyes fall on the immense field of spider lilies in front of her, vividly red even through the mists of Sanzu.

"Don't you know that flowers are only supposed to bloom on the other side?" she asked the flowers.

The flowers didn't reply. Komachi shrugged and stretched her arms upwards, oar still in hand. She longed to jump into the flower field and take a long nap amidst the spirits slumbering inside them, but it had only been an hour since her last break, and at this rate the backlog of spirits to be ferried over was never going away.

Now, everyone even vaguely acquaintanced with Komachi knew this was rarely enough to stop her, but today was different. It was only a week since there had been something of an incident at the river, with people from Gensokyo coming to Muenzuka and complaining about the flowers. Moreover, her boss, Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, had given her the lecture of a lifetime, warning her that she'd repeat it if Komachi didn't clean up her act for at least until the worst was over.

So, instead of taking a break she sighed and looked around find a suitable spirit to take across. Before she found one, however, she heard the sound of familiar footsteps approaching the river.

"Lady Eiki!" Komachi looked up waved at her superior, smiling. "How did your trip to Gensokyo go? Want to-"

Her voice petered out. Eiki had stopped some feets away from her and stared blankly at her. More importantly, she was biting her lip, an expression that only plagued the Enma's face at the gravest of times. Even her clothes, usually spotless, had dirt stains on them.

"Uhh, Lady Eiki?" No reaction. "Is something going on?"

Still nothing. Just when Komachi was about to decide that the figure in front of her wasn't Eiki at all, but a hallucination caused by excessive working - which obviously meant she'd have to take a long rejuvenating nap to recuperate - it shifted slightly and sighed.

"Komachi." It was Eiki's voice, all right. Komachi was now sure she was face to face with the real McCoy, not some illusion. "Those people who came here last week...what did you think of them?"

Komachi leaned into her oar and chewed her lip. This was certainly unusual. "What did I think...they seemed like a pretty normal bunch to me. Normal for residents of Gensokyo, anyway."

"And their karma, Komachi, what would you say about that?"

Komachi chuckled a little. "They were a bunch of sinners, of course, some more so than others. Still, nothing that can't be fixed with a permanent attitude change and a bunch of good deeds."

Komachi half expected a dry comment from Eiki about how Komachi too should consider a permanent change in attitude. Not today, though. Today, she just sighed.

"I see." She looked away again.

After several more moments of perfect silence, only interrupted by the sound of distant bird cries echoing to the river all the way from the Road of Reconsideration, Komachi pulled her boat up onto the shore. She dropped the oar on the ground and frowned at Eiki. She didn't react, apparently too busy staring at the tips of her shoes.

"Lady Eiki," Komachi said, swallowing her hesitation. "What's going on? No offence, but you're acting really strangely today."

Again, she received no answer.

"Lady Eiki?" she tried again, louder this time. "Is something wrong?"

Once more, no response. Eiki was standing in place as rigid as a stone statue. If Komachi hadn't heard her breathe, she would have said she really had turned back into stone.

Komachi scratched the back of her head. Sure, it was nice not to be yelled at for slacking off for once, but this was getting way too eerie. The Eiki she knew could be calm, but she certainly didn't shut down at random.

Komachi considered her options. Usually, she'd go for the hands-on approach, but wasn't sure it'd be wise in this instance. Before she could think of an alternative reaction, however, she was jerked back into reality by a strange sound. She raised her head. Eiki hadn't moved an inch, but when Komachi squinted, she saw her shoulders were quivering. It didn't take a genius to figure out the sound had been made by Eiki, and Komachi's eyes widened in shock as Eiki did it again. It was a sob.

"Lady Eiki?" she asked. She had never seen Eiki cry before.

Eiki must have heard the change in her tone, as she raised her gaze from her shoes. Her eyes were dry, much to Komachi's relief, but strangely dark, and their gaze was the very opposite of her usually piercing eyes. Komachi couldn't help but stare as Eiki averted her eyes and let out another sniffle.

"White," she finally said, so quietly Komachi barely caught it.

"White? What's white, Lady Eiki?"

Eiki sighed. "You're still normal. There is still white in you."

"That's good, I guess." Komachi didn't really get what Eiki was talking about. She tilted her head. "Has something gone black, then?"

Eiki stared at her. Then, she removed the crown from her head and turned it around in her hands.

"Yes," she said at length, staring at the crown. "You could say that." By the time she got to the end of the sentence, her voice cracked.

Komachi hesitated. How was she even supposed to react to this?

"Lady Eiki," she finally said, "I have no idea what's going on, but if there's something I can do to help, I'd be more than happy to."

"Thank you, Komachi, but I don't think-"

"There's gotta be something I can do," Komachi interrupted. "You can at least tell me what happened."

Eiki sighed and nodded. "A second perspective to the matter cannot hurt. Maybe you'll be able to understand what happened."

Komachi folded her arms. "Right. So, what's up with Gensokyo?"

"At first, everything seemed normal. I visited a few of the people who came here earlier to see if they had understood my teachings, and they were fine as well. But then, as I was making my way to the Hakurei Shrine..."

* * *

"You little bitch! I told you I'd kill you if you ever touched my stuff again!"

"Piss off! Like I'd touch your stupid junk anyway!"

Eiki frowned and turned in the direction of the yells. Two rabbits, one tall with sleek purple hair, one short wearing a simple dress, were locked in a danmaku match at the edge of the forest. Eiki recognised them as the two rabbits, Reisen and Tewi, who had showed up at Muenzuka the week before.

"Liar! I saw you, you stupid bitch! Don't think you're going to get away with it!"

"Bite me!"

Eiki hesitated. Settling disputes with danmaku was nothing new, but the way the two combatants' faces were contorted with anger troubled her, as did the insults they hurled at each other. Perhaps she ought to go talk to them and see if she could calm the situation down?

Without further ado, Eiki flew towards the skirmish and placed herself right between the two, holding her arms to her sides.

"Pardon me for interrupting your duel, ladies, but I would like to talk to both of you." She looked left and right to smile at them both. "If I can offer my assistance in solving your dispute, I'd be glad to-"

A flurry of bullet-shaped danmaku flew over her, missing the top of her crown by inches. Reisen hissed and prepared to fire another wave as if Eiki wasn't even there.

"Excuse me!" Eiki said again, flying towards her. "Hold on to your anger for at least until I finish-"

She was interrupted again, this time by a thick laser hitting her on the back of her head. She shuddered, her ears ringing from the impact. She felt a strange wetness spreading where the danmaku had hit. She touched the spot and her hand returned back smeared in blood.

This isn't danmaku...

The two rabbits paused and stared at her. Had they finally come to their senses?

"You bitch!" Tewi suddenly screamed, looking directly at Reisen. "How dare you nullify my danmaku? Stop using your mind tricks and fight me properly, coward!"

_What?_

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" Reisen screamed back, pulling and twisting her own ears in rage. "I didn't do anything! I'm going to tear your bloody smirk right off your face!" Eiki watched in astonishment as she lunged forward and tackled Tewi midair, sending them both spinning into the ground.

"Hey...HEY!" she yelled, but the two combatants ignored her, hissing and screaming bloody murder, using every mean they had to hurt each other as much as possible. Reisen was more powerful and soon had the advantage, forcing Tewi on her back and curling her hands around her neck. Tewi started choking, her face turning blue.

"Stop it! STOP IT!" Eiki swooped downwards and whacked Reisen hard on the head with the Rod of Remorse. "Are you out of your mind? Let her go this instant!"

Reisen loosened her grip of Tewi's throat. The strike hadn't been enough to knock her out, but her eyes were dazed as she looked around to see what had hit her. Tewi took the opportunity to sink her teeth into Reisen's arm. A loud scream of pain rang through the air.

"Really now!" Eiki said, her patience running thin. "Aren't you two listening to me at all? Stop this at this instant or I will make you stop."

When she received no response other apart from further sounds of scuffling, she sighed and rolled up her sleeves.

"Right. Don't say I didn't warn you."

* * *

"You little bitch! How did you do this?"

"How did I do this?! You're the one who did it! Let me go!"

"And exactly how do you think I tied myself up, you idiot?"

"Well, if it wasn't you, who the hell was it?"

"How should I know?"

Eiki walked in between the two rabbits. She has tied the duo to two opposing trees, close enough to each other to be at a discussion length, yet far enough to be unable to kick one another. Naturally, that didn't stop the two from yelling insults with every breath they took.

"Ladies," she said loudly, "I'm sorry I had to go this far, but you two really left me with no choice. Please listen to me for a while. I shall remove the restraints as soon as you two calm down and discuss the problem frankly. Now, why are you fighting in the first place?"

The two continued bickering as if Eiki was nothing but thin air. She frowned. How could they not see her? At first, she thought they were simply pretending, but there had been a definite ring of honesty in their cries of surprise when she had subdued them. How very odd.

Even odder, however, was their karma. The last time she had met them, they both had had enough sin under their belts to land them in Hell, but somehow they were even worse now. In fact, she could see nothing but black in their souls. How could their virtues have deteriorated in so little time? Moreover, what was she supposed to do if they couldn't hear what she said? She couldn't leave them like that, but nor could she free them if they'd be at each other's throats the moment their hands were untied.

"Listen," she said, "Well, listen if you can hear me. I cannot remain here for much longer, but I will find someone else to look over you and mediate over the situation. I shall return presently. Is that alright?"

Expecting no answer, and receiving none, she left the two still hurling abuse at each other, feeling distinctly unsettled.

* * *

It only took her a moment to reach the Hakurei Shrine. Although whatever was possessing the two rabbits hardly counted as an incident by itself, the shrine maiden of Hakurei was the most logical person to turn towards in matters such as theirs. Better yet, helping others would help the shrine maiden get rid of some excess karma, killing two birds with one stone.

The shrine maiden was standing in the middle of the courtyard, broom in hand, looking listlessly ahead of her. Eiki landed in front of her.

"Reimu Hakurei," Eiki said, smiling in acknowledgement.

Reimu looked at her for moment.

"Oh, it's the Enma," she said at length. Eiki let out a small sigh of relief. Whatever malady it was that was affecting the rabbits hadn't struck Reimu yet. "What do you want? Do you want to scold me again for living so poorly or what?"

Eiki kept the polite smile on her lips. "All in good time. Today, I have a request to make. I encountered two rabbits nearby fighting each other relentlessly, and was unable to catch their attention. I had to restrain them, and as I'm personally unable to help, I wish you would do so in my stead. So please, do so. This is the good deed you can do right now."

"Uh huh?" The way Reimu glared at her was quite unpleasant. "Unable to do your own job, and just shoving the responsibility left to others? Does it make you feel big, ordering others around just because you have a big whacking stick to put them in their place if they disobey?"

"Excuse me?" Eiki couldn't help but frown. "Helping them is not a part of my job. More importantly, I am not ordering you to help them, I'm merely requesting it both for their and your own sake. Besides-"

"Yeah yeah yeah."Reimu waved her hand impatiently. "I'll do it, I'll do it. Don't get your knickers in a twist." Just as Eiki opened her mouth to admonish the shrine maiden for her unprecedented rudeness, she let the broom drop on the ground and crossed her arms. "So, since you've bothered to come to the whole way up here, how about a donation?"

Eiki shut her mouth again and stared at Reimu in astonishment. She had met the shrine maiden very recently, and while she had pegged her to be the careless type, she never would have guessed she'd behave like this.

Then again, she was right. Giving out a donation at a time like this was the right thing to do. Eiki started looking through her pockets for spare cash. Just because the shrine maiden was unbearably rude wasn't reason enough for ignoring the common courtesy.

"I will spare you the lecture today, because I need to return to Hell in a few hours, a time which will hardly suffice to take care of your situation if it really is as bad as your current behaviour indicates," she said as she tossed a 500 mon coin into the donation box. "I'm afraid I grossly underestimated the depth of your situation. I shall return as soon as possible to help you, and until then, you should-"

"What, only five hundred mon?" Reimu had walked right next to her and was bending to see the context of the box. She pulled a face. "I never guessed the Enma would be such a cheapskate."

"...Are you out of your mind?" This brute couldn't possibly be the same person she had met a few days ago. Was this how she commonly treated her visitors? If so, no wonder the shrine was practically abandoned.

"Are YOU out of YOUR mind? The hell am I supposed to do with a measly five hundred mon? It's not like I get donations every day or anything, and I have to live on these things. Fork over some more, and I'll see to your little rabbit problem."

Eiki clenched the Rod of Remorse with such intensity her knuckles went white. "Are you attempting to blackmail me, on top of all your other sins? Reimu Hakurei, have you any idea what you are doing? If you continue to act like this, I shall have no choice but to pronounce your judgement in advance."

Reimu scoffed at this. "And if you don't shut the hell up and give me the money I need, I shall have to boot you out of the shrine's premises."

"You-"

But before she had managed to properly begin her scolding, Reimu lashed out and gave her a hard push.

"Get lost!" she shouted. "Did I ask for your opinion? I don't need your worthless moralising! Either give me the money or get lost. I don't care either way, just shut up!"

Eiki regained her balance and shot an icy glare at Reimu. "I cannot fathom why you are behaving so irrationally, but for your sake, I advise you to cease this immediately lest you want me to use force. In fact..." she held out the Rod of Remorse. Reimu's karma was just as bad as the rabbits' had been, if not worse. "I'm afraid this cannot wait. I have to punish you for your sins now."

Reimu laughed derisively at her. "Punish me for my sins? I'd like to see you try! Think I'm unable to exterminate you? Think again."

Before Eiki could scoff at Reimu for her folly, she rose high into the air and produced a plethora of ofuda from her clothes. Eiki flew up as well and dodged the first barrage aimed at her before shooting a wave of danmaku of her own.

Reimu dodged the wave effortlessly. "Is that the best you can do?"

Eiki ignored her, yet couldn't help but wonder where Reimu's absurd overconfidence was stemming from. They had only duelled a week ago, after all, and while Reimu had eventually emerged as the victor, Eiki had hardly used the full extent of her abilities during the match.

She shot out a couple more simple waves, one after another, and weaved towards Reimu through them, with the idea of reaching Reimu as she was busy dodging the third wave and ending the battle with a quick strike with the Rod of Remorse.

Reimu bared her teeth, snarling like a wolf tengu. More ofuda appeared in her hands.

"Dream Sign 'Burning Seal'!" The ofuda left her hands and formed a spinning circle around Eiki, fast closing around her. Eiki dropped her altitude sharply, escaping the circle now above her head.

Reimu smirked at her. "Think it's that easy, huh?" She snapped her fingers. The ofuda immediately stopped spinning and dived down, latching themselves onto Eiki. Another finger snap, and the ofuda exploded into clouds of red smoke, scorching everything around them. Eiki cried out in pain.

She lost a few more feet of altitude as she tried to reorient herself. The pain was, all in all, quite bearable, just unexpected. She raised her arm to her eye level. There was a rectangle-shaped hole burned into her sleeve where one of the ofuda had been, and the skin beneath it was bristling, severely burned.

She looked up to see Reimu quietly smirking at her from above. "Why aren't you using danmaku? Why are you breaking the rules you yourself established?"

Reimu snorted. "Danmaku? Oh please. One doesn't use danmaku when trying to get rid of a pest."

"...You leave me with no choice." Eiki produced the Cleansed Crystal Mirror from her pocket and held it towards Reimu. "Gaze at what you have become and repent!"

The mirror image materialised. No, you cannot say that. What should have materialised was a mirror image of the target, a look-a-like in both shape and form, a reflection of the deeds of the sinner's past. Nothing like the coal-black apparition that sprung out of the mirror now.

Eiki stared at the wraith in wonder and horror. It had the shape of the shrine maiden, but that was where the resemblance ended. The wraith was so black it seemed to suck out light right out of its surroundings, and when it turned towards Eiki, she saw two furiously burning embers instead of eyes.

What? How? Eiki looked up at Reimu. She too looked surprised and stared at the wraith. It couldn't have been her doing. Then how-

And then the wraith was on her, clawing and kicking and ripping everything it could. Eiki stifled a scream and kicked at it, separating herself from the creature. For a moment, the creature remained floating where the impact of the kick had left it, its fiery eyes flaring up. Then it lunged forward again, the force of the assault knocking Eiki off balance, sending her tumbling towards the ground.

Reimu's eyes trailed her as she fell, and she could have sworn she saw her face break into a grin before the world grew dark around her.

* * *

Reimu was still there when she woke up, arms crossed and scowling at her. The wraith was nowhere to be seen. She searched out for the Rod of Remorse with one hand before realising she was still holding it in the other, and clenched it tightly.

"Finally come to, eh?" Reimu asked, raising her eyebrows. "If so, stop lying on my courtyard. I have cleaning to do."

Eiki looked into Reimu's eyes and saw once again nothing but darkness and sin, more of both than she could have possibly accumulated since the last time they had met. Why hadn't she seen it the last time? Had she been deceiving herself into believing that the shrine maiden had a lesser burden of karma than she actually had? The way she saw it now, Reimu had no chance of unburdening herself from her sins in the time allotted to her. Her soul would be permanently erased from existence no matter what she did.

"Reimu, you..." she said, glad to find our her voice was still working. "What have you done to yourself?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now get up. If you want to commit suicide by summoning ghosts from your stupid mirror, be my guest, but do it somewhere where I don't have to clean up the mess."

Eiki did as she said and looked at herself. She was surprisingly unharmed, all things considered. In fact, nothing but falling to the ground seemed to have left any impact whatsoever. Pushing this fact to the side, she looked directly at Reimu. "I will return. There must be some way to still help you. We can still-"

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Seriously, don't you ever stop talking? Get lost already."

Eiki stared at her for a moment, then bowed her head and did just that.

* * *

Still trying to figure out exactly what could have happened to both Reimu and the rabbits, she flew over the Human Village. She looked down at the people scurrying around, paying no single person any particular attention. That was, until she decided to see if there was anyone with sins she could help them with. Her flight came to a screeching halt.

There was sin alright. There always was, naturally, but not like this. Wherever she looked, she saw another person in the same state as the trio she had faced earlier.

"It's all black..."

* * *

Eiki fell silent. Komachi stared at her.

"Are you serious?"

Eiki nodded. "It's all black. The entire Gensokyo...there isn't a single spark of goodness left in any of the inhabitants."

Komachi mouth fell open.

"I don't get it. The souls I've ferried over recently have been the same as always, and when I last saw the living inhabitants of Gensokyo, they were okay. Jerks, the lot of them , but not irredeemably evil or anything."

"I'm aware of that. I still cannot fathom what could have possibly happened to them all in such short time to corrupt them all."

Komachi thought about it for a while. "In that case, maybe they aren't all evil." Eiki gave her a confused look, her eyes still dark. "You've worked way too hard lately. Maybe you were seeing things and they're perfectly fine?"

"I wish that were a possibility. But no," Eiki shook her head violently. "that wouldn't explain everyone's behaviour...or the wraith from the mirror...nor why my ability shows them all to be black."

"Hmm..."

"And...they wouldn't listen to me. No-one I met after Reimu even acknowledged my presence. I honestly don't think they can see me anymore!"

The crown fell from her hands, bouncing as it hit the ground and rebounding into the spider lilies. Eiki's legs suddenly buckled up and set her flying forward into the damp ground. Komachi lurched forward, but she was way too late. Fortunately, Eiki was able to stop the fall herself before hitting the ground face-first. She adjusted herself into a more manageable sitting position, then sat there with her eyes downcast. It was almost comical.

"Lady Eiki!" Komachi kneeled in front of her and took a firm grip of her shoulders. "What's wrong with you? Get a hold of yourself!" She shook her, not too violently, but hopefully enough to snap her out of it. "Come on, your nice clothes are getting all damp and stuff." Her own outfit was getting rather clammy too, but she ignored it and continued shaking Eiki.

Eiki let a out muffled sob, but responded in no other way. Just as Komachi tried to decide whether to shake her harder or to cut it out, the Enma suddenly grabbed her by the front of her shirt with both hands.

"From now on, every soul that appears in front of me in court is going to be guilty. And that is if any of them even have enough goodness to get past the river in the first place. And there's nothing I can do about it. What's the point of even having Hell if everyone's going to end up there and no-one will learn from their mistakes. They're going out of their way to do misdeeds, Komachi!"

Komachi's eyes widened. "They are?"

"I didn't even tell you half of what I saw. It's really-" she swallowed, then continued more calmly. "I didn't become an Enma to punish sinners. I want to stop sin, and punishing those who sinned is merely a part of it. But if everyone is an unrepentant sinner, so deep drowned into their depravity that they can't even hear my disapproval. I..."

Komachi had never seen Eiki so beside herself, and to be frank, it was starting to terrify her. "Lady Eiki..."

Eiki hiccupped.

"There's no hope...No hope for Gensokyo." Her voice faded away. She let go and slumped over, only staying upright thanks to Komachi holding her.

"Lady Eiki!" There was no answer, unless light sobbing counted as an answer.

"Lady Eiki, please, look at me," she repeated loudly. Eiki complied and laboriously raised her head. Her eyes had lost all their lustre, staring blankly ahead without actually registering anything they were supposedly seeing. Komachi hesitated only for a second before pulling her closer and hugging her clumsily. "Everything's going to be just fine. You just need some rest."

"No," Eiki said numbly, her voice barely audible despite her being so close to Komachi. "It's not me. It really is hopeless."

"Don't give up so easily! Look, this must be some sort of a misunderstanding," Komachi said soothingly, stroking Eiki's hair. "Trust me, everything's going to be fine."

Eiki suddenly froze, and stared at Komachi with wild eyes.

"Why...why would you say something like that, Komachi?"

"Uhh..." Komachi felt a strange lurch in her stomach. "Because I think so? The world couldn't possibly have magically turned all bad, Lady Eiki. It must be a mistake, and I'm sure that it'll all look much better tomorrow. Whatever's going on, I'm sure we can fix it."

Her words didn't have the intended effect. Instead, Eiki shivered, and then, with a sharp jolt, separated herself from Komachi.

"Lady Eiki?"

"Not you too, Komachi," Eiki sobbed. "Why you too?"

"Lady Eiki..." Komachi gawked at Eiki's glazed eyes. "I don't understand what you're talking about. You're raving." She felt a pang of fear in her stomach. There was a reason for those dark eyes. She shouldn't have dismissed them like she had.

"Lady Eiki..." she said very evenly, slowly inching her way back towards Eiki. "Please calm down. I don't know exactly what's going on, but you're obviously very ill and need to rest."

"Komachi, please!" Eiki shrieked, covering her ears with her hands. "Please, don't say those horrible things! Vile words like that are a sin, and the damage they do to you is tremendous."

Komachi began to sweat. This sure was going down south fast.

"Lady Eiki, I'm not saying anything like that. Please, calm down-"

But her words fell on deaf ears. Eiki only clamped her hands tighter around her ears, muttering to herself.

"It's all black...even Komachi has..." A sob. "Why did this happen? How could this even happen? Was there some cycle of decline I wasn't privy to?"

She opened her eyes and sobbed again, looking directly through Komachi like she was nothing more but river mist.

"What am I supposed to do now?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion. "If the world is nothing but sin, judging sin becomes useless. If there is no hope for recovery, no white left, there is no use attempting to ameliorate the situation. The living world is hell upon earth, and everyone who perishes will be sent straight to hell or extinguished. And even Komachi..."

She suddenly sat upright, her mouth falling open.

"But, if there is no white left, no goodness at all, and even Komachi is black..." she hugged her shoulders, "that must mean I'm black as well."

"Hey, hey!" Komachi called out, shivering. This was really going too far now. "Please listen to me, Lady Eiki! I don't know what's going on in your mind right now, but-" she was interrupted when Eiki suddenly started laughing. It wasn't a happy laugh. If anything, it sounded like a howl.

"Okay, that's more than enough. I'm sorry, Lady Eiki, but I will have to-" before she could act and knock her superior out, she was struck down by said superior suddenly ramming into her at full force.

"Ugh!" She fell onto the ground, and soon found herself pinned to the ground with Eiki's hand squeezing her by the throat. "Lady Eiki, what-"

Tears were streaming down Eiki's face. She swallowed and began to talk, calm once more.

"Sin gives birth to more sin, and more sin weights the sinner down with more karma, and the more karma there is, the more likely it is the sinner's soul is simply extinguished. If a soul is that deep down in sin, there is no chance of redemption. And now, with no goodness in Gensokyo, there is no way to get of rid excess karma, and the sinners can only follow the downward spiral that leads to certain doom." She blinked her eyes free of tears and continued. "If there is no way back up, the only way to save people before it's too late is to cut their lives short before the point of no return." She bit her lip. "By going to Hell to rid themselves of sin, they'll have another chance in the next life."

Komachi shuddered and attempted to raise herself from the down. No such luck: despite her small stature, Eiki was more than strong enough to keep her flat on her back.

"Lady Eiki, if you're saying what I think you're saying, I really don't think it's a good idea." Eiki flinched at her words, and only then did Komachi remember she hadn't been getting through to her for a good while now.

"Please, Komachi, you still have a chance. Your karma isn't so bad yet that your soul would be extinguished. You can still be saved." Eiki was actually smiling now, if only weakly. "I want you to survive, Komachi. I want you to have another chance."

"Lady Eiki, please stop this-" Komachi made one last-ditch attempt to shrug Eiki off, again to no avail. Tears dropped on Komachi's forehead as Eiki raised the Rod of Remorse for a strike.

"Good luck," she whispered.

* * *

Reimu forced her eyes open, battling the dizziness trying to overwhelm her. The scent of lilies-of-the-valley was so intense it nearly knocked her out again, and the world around looked pale and foggy, as if there was a veil around her eyes. Even so, she could make out Medicine Melancholy and her fairy-like doll floating in front of her. They were both looking down at her with a peaceful smile on their faces.

Reimu groaned and attempted to sit up. Her limbs moved sluggishly, barely obeying her. No matter how she tried, she couldn't quite get up.

"Medicine," she growled, glad to hear her voice was still as strong as ever even if the rest of her body had failed her. "Why are you doing this?"

"Trying to fight against my nerve poison, are you? Isn't that funny, Su-san?" Medicine clapped her hands together. "Why am I doing this? Am I not allowed to defend myself against filthy humans?"

"With deadly poison?"

Medicine giggled. "It's not deadly, silly. It's only a paralysing agent. You'll be fine until it spreads into your heart and lungs, and that's still whiles and whiles away. I might even neutralise it once you pass out." She beamed at her. "Aren't I kind?"

"Aren't you ever?" Reimu rolled her eyes. "What's the point of attacking me at all if you don't even have the balls to kill me?"

Medicine leaned in closer. "Because I'm curious. You're going to die soon enough anyway, so I might as well spare you for a moment. Now, tell me: how did you even know to come here? How did you find out about my little plan?"

"Instinct," Reimu spat. Medicine didn't need to know the full story of Eiki coming over to the shrine, pupils larger than life, sputtering nonsense and randomly fainting on the courtyard. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on, with her previous encounter with Medicine still fresh in mind.

Medicine clicked her tongue. "And here I hoped you had used deductive reasoning for once. Shows me to put too much faith into humans."

Reimu shivered. Something about Medicine's current demeanour was unnerving. Hadn't she been a lot more childish the last time they had met?

"You didn't answer my first question," she said. Her fingertips were going numb. Was it the poison or just her imagination? She prayed it was the latter. "I thought your goal was the liberation of dolls. Exactly how does killing the Enma fit into your purposes?"

"Killing the Enma?" Medicine tilted her head to the side. The doll next to her mimicked the movement. A sly smile crept to their faces. "You still think I'm some hot-blooded fool who attacks everyone she can at sight, with no subtlety or cunning?" She laughed derisively, but as soon as she was done, her eyes turned to steel. "Really, Miss Hakurei, I expected you to already understand the mask I wore is quite unlike the true me."

"Ugh..." She definitely wasn't imagining the numbness: it was creeping up her arm, and as Reimu noticed to her horror, towards her chest. Damn.

Medicine examined her nails, flicking off imaginary spots of dust from them. "The mask and the real me do share one similarity: I am still young, and unable to control my powers with the same ease as some of the more experienced youkai. The poisons I am able to manipulate are potent for the lack of a better word, but my power is still largely tied to this hill, and I'm only able to use the full extent my ability on those few unlucky that happen to tread there. Even you can probably understand that's hardly conductive for my plans. So, instead of doing the deed myself, I sought to inflict any suitably powerful being that happened by with the most useful poison I could concoct and have them do it for me." she turned her head and gave Reimu a mad smile, "and who do you think happened here today, full of advice about abandoning my hatred and living a purer life than humans?" She giggled. "It was almost too good to be true. Fortunately, my poison had the intended effect."

"And what was...the intended effect?"

"It was nerve poison, a very powerful one...it attacks the central cognitive functions, and distorts the senses...the most remarkable symptom is causing incredibly lifelike hallucinations, ones from the infected being's darkest nightmares. Intense paranoia, impaired sense of judgment, severe depression...and the only giveaway are the dilated pupils...I call it the Nightmare Manifest. Fitting, don't you think?"

Even in her current situation, Reimu couldn't help but say: "was that really the best name you could come up with?"

Medicine's face fell. She flew closer to Reimu, and her nose nearly touching hers.

"And do you know what the best part is?" she hissed. "It only takes a small gesture, the slightest trigger, and the target will become violent. They'll still be living in their delusions, but they'll be lucid enough to wreak some real havoc. Especially if the target is someone like the Enma...she won't be just lashing out randomly, oh no...we'll be seeing a full-blown annihilation of all the disgusting creatures of Gensokyo."

"You don't know that," Reimu growled. The poisonous little bitch had the upper hand, yes, but damn if she was going to show it. "There's no way you can actually predict what she's going to do without directly controlling her. Who knows, she might go through the symptoms you said and end up simply going into pieces or just shrugging it off. You can only manipulate the poison's effects, not people's reactions to them."

Medicine shook her head. "I'm sad to hear you still don't understand this," she said. She really did look sad, too, although Reimu suspected she was simply pulling a face as to mock her. "I really overestimated you, I suppose." She turned her back at Reimu. "My nerve poison is quite different from the unrefined ones your kind use to make each other's lives miserable. Not that all poison isn't lovely, but compared to my more sophisticated efforts, they really are quite simple. I manipulate the poison, and the poison manipulates the mind: therefore, I manipulate the mind. Refine the poison far enough, and I merely have to get it into the victim's system and it'll do all the work without any further work from my side. In other words, I've already won."

"She will be stopped."

Medicine clapped her hands together slowly. "So, you've finally come up with a real possible hindrance to my plan. Kudos. True, there is the remote possibility someone will be able to stop her prematurely. No matter. Other opportunities will come, to poison even more powerful beings. I have plenty of time." She turned around and flashed her a smile. "You, however, do not."

"Medicine, you have to stop this." Reimu noticed to her horror that her voice was starting to slur. She tried moving her body, but not a single muscle responded.

"Or what? You're going to stop me? You're on my turf, surrounded by poison. You have no chance. Serves you right, doll-user."

"I don't have dolls. I didn't even have them as a kid!"

"Yet you don't disapprove of their use, which is just as bad. You're even friends with a...a...Puppetmaster," she finally spat. "How can you willfully associate with someone who enslaves hundreds after hundreds of my kin!" She turned away. "And once you're done with us, you just toss us away, without even as much as a thank you." She clenched her teeth. "It's so cruel, Su-san! Why would they do such a thing?"

Reimu remained silent. She distinctly remembered Alice burying each and every one of her dolls that was damaged beyond repair, complete with miniature gravestones, but saying that required way too much effort in her current condition. Besides, would it even matter to Medicine?

"Medicine, don't you get it?" Reimu gasped. It was becoming increasingly difficult to remain conscious, let alone to talk. "If she's going to take down everyone in Gensokyo, you too...will..." Finally, the toxins were too much for her, and her mind escaped into unconsciousness.

Medicine smiled as Reimu collapsed down in front of her . "Isn't that great, Su-san? She's gone now, and dolls are one step closer to being free." She giggled happily and began singing to herself as she waltzed around the lily-of-the-valley field.

"Laa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la..."

**THE END**


	5. IN - Lunatic is for Weird People

**_Imperishable Night - Lunatic is for Weird People_**

* * *

"Let's boldly go where no girl's gone before! Booyah!"

"Marisa?"

"One small step for us, one giant stomp in the face for the nurse!"

"Uh, Marisa?"

"Fly me to the moon, let me find the shrooms in stars~"

"MARISA!"

Marisa stopped pumping her fist in the air and tilted her head. "What's up?"

"What are you doing?"

Marisa shrugged. "Since you two used up all my cool lines, I'm trying to come up with some new ones."

Alice sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. The night had been a long one, and Marisa had the knack for making it feel even longer. "What do half of those things even mean?"

"No clue." Marisa grinned and made a circling motion with her index finger, pointing at her head. "I'm nuts, remember? Remember how last year I tried dyeing my hair with destroying angels?"

"Sometimes a whole minute passes by when I don't." Despite herself, Alice smiled. Marisa had a curious charm to her which made it impossible to stay mad at her for long, just like it made it impossible to not get mad at her in the first place.

"Anyway," she continued. "we should be closing in on the real culprit any moment now, so keep your eyes peeled."

"Sure thing." A brief silence. "Dunno how hard they'll be to miss, though. If we can't find anyone by 3:00 a.m., I'll just blow everything up before we blow the joint and we'll call it a wash."

Alice's brow furrowed as she strained to decipher Marisa's slang, then sighed again. "You make Reimu seem cautious by comparison."

"Izzat so?" Marisa's grin faded before she could continue. A magnificent light came from above their heads. It was the moon, all right, but something about it had...changed. The air was full of moonbeams more powerful than Alice had ever witnessed. and she had to grit her teeth together and struggle to stay where she was under their immense pressure. Marisa was staring at the celestial body as well, mesmerised, and while Alice knew she wasn't able to see the moonbeams raining down on them, she knew she could feel their weight on her body.

It was a true full moon if there ever had been one.

"Wow," Marisa half sighed, half shouted. Her eyes were still fixed on the full moon. "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?"

"Never." Suddenly, hating herself for depriving herself from the vision of perfection, Alice wrenched her gaze away from the skies. "We have to hurry. That thing is dangerous,"

"Wha?" Marisa's mouth was hanging half-open. "Why'd ya say that?"

Alice rolled her eyes. _Humans._ "Don't tell me you can't feel the moonbeams."

"Some new kinda mushroom kicking in?"

"_No. Moonbeams._ Dangerous, lunacy-inducing ones. There are more of them here than I've ever seen before." she wiped her forehead. "Too many. Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm good. My nose itches and I'm in a desperate need to make something explode, but otherwise I'm golden. You?"

"I'll be fine. It's you who I'm concerned about." Alice glimpsed at the moon again. "Being pummelled by this many moonbeams would drive an ordinary person insane in less than five minutes."

"No problem, then. I'm already nuts, right?"

"If you're certain." Alice's attention was diverted by a sudden giggle.

Someone was floating above them, a lady with lustrous black hair and the kind of face that made mens' hearts skip a beat and convinced them to go anywhere, do anything, travel to the end of the world if the need be. Five curious objects were floating around her, circling her slowly.

"The full moon is beautiful tonight, is it not?" she said amiably, and hid her mouth behind her long sleeve. "Pure moonlight full of magic...how wonderful it is to be able to witness such raw purity." She dropped her arm. "I'm glad you came. I'm bored to death."

Alice folded her arms. "The pleasure's mutual. If you'd be so kind, we'd appreciate it if you could introduce yourself so we could get through the formalities and resolve this incident."

"I am Kaguya Houraisan." Kaguya smiled. "In turn, pray explain what you mean by 'resolving this incident.'"

Alice nodded. "Simple. It means we'll return the moon to its place, whether we have to defeat you to do so or not."

Kaguya laughed. "Two impure creatures such as yourself, trying to defeat me? This should be most amusing." She raised her hand. "My five requests that so many humans in the past have failed to complete... "

Alice grunted. "Right. Get ready, Marisa."

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Alice turned her head, her eyes wide. "Marisa?" It had been Marisa's voice, no question about that, but the laugh was nothing like her usual hearty guffaw, or even like the diabolical cackle she sometimes let out before firing her Master Spark.

Marisa was still staring at the full moon, her eyes reflecting its gleam. her fingers were in her mouth, and she was waving back and forth in the air.

"Marisa?"

Marisa giggled and shook her head wildly.

"Impossible..." A chill ran down Alice's spine.

"Not just possible, but likely, I'm afraid," said Kaguya. "Humans simply cannot look at a perfect full moon without losing their minds."

It was as if the bottom had fell out of Alice's stomach. "But she said she was already insane!" She flew to the still giggling Marisa and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Marisa! MARISA! Snap out of it!"

Marisa stopped laughing and shook herself free, then flew higher up towards the moon.

"Marisa, please!"

Marisa turned back towards her, her shoulders shaking, her lips firmly pursed to keep the laughter inside. Then, out of the blue, she fired a light blue laser straight at Alice. Before she could even contemplate dodging, the laser pierced her right arm.

Alice froze, unable to believe what had just happened. She raise her left hand to her damaged arm. It came back smeared in blood.

"But..." Tears began gathering in the corners of her eyes. "You shot me! You shot me right in the arm! Why would you-"

She paused, and her eyes went white as a heavyweight arrow pierced her head from the behind.

Kaguya nodded approvingly as Alice fell. "Well aimed, Eirin." She yawned. "That wasn't nearly as much fun as I had hoped. Turns out actively hunting earthlings is more enjoyable than luring them into a trap."

"Perhaps we can find something else to do for the rest of the night, then?"

"I'd like that."

"First, however, we need to decide what to do with her," Eirin asked, pointing at the insane magician flying in circles, laughing at the stars and firing lasers randomly towards the sky.

"Honestly, I don't really care," Kaguya said dismissively, smoothing out the wrinkles on her sleeves. "Either get rid of her and take her with us and keep her as a pet or something. Whichever you think is more convenient."

"As you wish."


	6. PCB - It's Just a Jump to the Dead

**_Perfect Cherry Blossom - It's Just a Jump to the Dead_**

* * *

The cherry blossoms of the Netherworld were truly a sight to behold. From above, they looked like a veritable sea of flowers, each of the faint pink blossoms a drop in the magnificent ocean. It was an unforgettable sight, a vision of unparalleled beauty.

It was starting to piss Reimu off.

These should have been Gensokyo's flowers; not just that, _her_ flowers. These gorgeously blooming cherry trees were only possible due to an act of theft, and she would reclaim the stolen spring, no matter how many butts she'd have to kick to do so.

She followed her intuition and descended into the sea of flowers. The trees' thin branches scratched her skin and stuck to her clothes, but left her virtually unharmed.

Once she finally got to the bottom of the matter, which also happened to be ground level, she saw a picnic blanket spread amidst the trees, a small red-and-white-checkered number with two cushions and a large picnic basket on top. On one of the cushions sat a beautiful lady wearing a baby-blue kimono, her pink hair partially hidden by a complicated hat. She was sitting primly, a closed fan the colour of cherry blossoms in her hand, looking appreciatively at the flowers above, ignoring the numerous phantoms floating around her.

Without further hesitation, Reimu made her way towards her.

"Ah," the lady smiled warmly as she spotted her. "The flowers are wonderful this year, are they not?"

"They sure are," said Reimu, checking her spellcards for the upcoming duel, then raising her gohei threateningly. "You already know why I'm here."

The lady looked puzzled. "I'm afraid I...don't, my dear. Have we met before?" She nodded. "I am Yuyuko Saigyouji, lady of Hakugyokurou. How may I help you?"

Reimu raised her eyebrows. "You may help by giving me the spring back."

Yuyuko blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"The spring. You know, the thing that makes flowers bloom." Was this airhead really the ruler of the Netherworld? "You took Gensokyo's spring, and I came to take it back."

"Oh my," Yuyuko pressed her palm against her cheek, her mouth forming a perfect O, "You actually came all this way just for that? How considerate of you."

Reimu continued to glower at her. Was she mocking her?

"Look, there's no need for that. Just fork over the spring you stole and I'll take my leave."

"Ah, yes, about that..." With a single swift flick of her wrist, Yuyuko opened the fan in her hand, concealing the lower portion of her face. Only her maroon eyes, gleaming with far more intelligence than her ditzy demeanour had made Reimu expect, remained in plain sight. She stared at Reimu as if she could see right through her. Reimu refused to back down or break the gaze first, and they stayed remained in a standstill for the better part of a minute.

Unexpectedly, Yuyuko closed her fan and looked away, her face melting into an embarrassed smile.

"Oh, you're going to laugh when you hear this, my dear" she said, lightly tapping her chin with her fan as she spoke. "It couldn't have been more than ten minutes ago when I told Youmu I had changed my mind and that she should return all the spring to Gensokyo post-haste. What a coincidence!"

Yeah, right. "If that's the case, then why did your sidekick attack me just now? And more importantly," Reimu looked upwards, "why are the flowers here still in bloom?"

"My 'sidekick'? Would that be Youmu? She probably thought that you were threatening me and thus took the initiative. Please do forgive her, she meant no harm. As for the flowers, gathering all the spring and returning it to its place does take time. Youmu will take it back one portion at a time, and once it's all gone the flowers will wilt." Suddenly, she seemed to notice something. "My, what a rude host I'm being!" She gestured at the picnic blanket. "Please, do join me to witness the end of the flower viewing. I just received this wonderful bottle of sake as a gift from a dear friend of mine. It would be a waste if I drank something as marvellous as it all by myself." Her eyes sparkled as she pointed at the elaborate bottle labelled "Wild Phantom" sitting next to the basket.

Reimu hesitated, but only for a moment. Grave suspicions regarding Yuyuko's sincerity aside, a free drink was always a free drink. She sat down grudgingly opposite to Yuyuko and accepted the tiny cupful of sake the ghost poured for her.

"Well then," Yuyuko said, beaming. "For your good health." She raised her cup towards the sky. Reimu mumbled her own well-wishings and chugged the piping hot liquid down in one clean shot. It was bitter and dry, and made her throat feel like sandpaper.

Reimu put the cup down next to her. If Yuyuko had thought she'd be able to divert her attention by getting her drunk, she'd be sorely disappointed: despite her young age, Reimu was already an experienced drinker, and more than capable of holding her liquor.

"So," she said testily. "You said you've already arranged to return the spring?"

"That's right." Yuyuko said, smiling.

"Why did you do it?"

"What do you mean, dear? Are you speaking of borrowing your spring or returning it?" She opened the fan in her lap, but didn't raise it to her face. "I may answer both questions. I sent Youmu to take the spring because I wanted to see the cherry blossoms, " she gestured at the blossoming trees around them, "and I decided to send it back now that all the trees are in full bloom and all the residents of the Netherworld have seen them."

"What about that tree? It sure isn't in bloom." Reimu pointed at a barren tree behind Yuyuko, a massive specimen with roots as thick as the trunks of some of the less bulky trees.

"Yes, that." And for a brief moment, Yuyuko looked troubled. "Truth to be told, I did want to see that tree in bloom as well; it's partially why I wanted as much spring here as possible this year. The tree has been sealed, although I don't know why." She kept flipping the fan open and shut as she spoke. "However, when the seal was about to break, I suddenly had a morbid premonition, and decided I didn't actually want to know what removing the seal might unleash. So..." Her nervousness vanished, and a vague smile appeared on her lips again. "Surely you understand?"

Reimu did. It was a little like how she had never actually tried to ascertain whether there was a god at her shrine or not. Reimu locked gazes with Yuyuko, but the innocent look in her eyes didn't falter. She weighted the issue in her mind, and finally decided to believe her. Besides, she had seen several cherry blossoms fall down to the ground as they spoke, implying that the stolen spring was slowly being gathered to be returned to its rightful place. And besides, if she was lying, she would always come back to kick her ass.

"Very well, I'll believe you for now," she said slowly. She got on her feet. "It's time for me to go home. Thanks for the sake."

Yuyuko blinked again, a confused look on her face. "Go back home?" She pressed her shut fan against her lips as the troubled look returned to her face. "Oh dear..."

"What is it now?" Reimu asked, annoyed. It had been a long day, and she wanted nothing more than to go back to the shrine, have a nice cup of tea and go to bed. "Are you trying to stop me? I'm warning you, I will fight my way out if it comes down to that."

"No, my dear, I don't want to fight you." Yuyuko got on her feet. Well, not really on her feet, as she floated a couple of inches from the ground, but the effect was the same. She approached Reimu.

Reimu sighed. "Look, this place is gorgeous and the sake is great, but I honestly just want to go home."

"It's about that..." Yuyuko clenched the fan in her hand. "You do realise you crossed the border between the living and dead to come here, don't you?"

"Of course I did, I had to break through it to get here in the first place. What do you mean?" Before Yuyuko had time to answer, however, a possibility dawned on Reimu. Are you saying I'm dead."

"You hit the issue with a nail on the head. Everyone who crosses the border to the Netherworld is technically considered dead."

Reimu shrugged. "So? If I'm only technically dead, everything should go back to normal as soon as I return to the other side of the border." She saw the expression on Yuyuko's face. "What?"

"Well, you see...the border has been rather unstable recently, with Youmu coming and going, and you entering here as you did has destabilised it for good. I have a dear friend who will be able to fix it once she wakes up, but in your case...by the time she wakes up, it'll probably be too late, especially since you're already a ghost."

"I'm a WHAT now?!" Reimu yelled. "Don't be stupid, I'm not a ghost!"

Again, Yuyuko shook her head, "I'm afraid I have to tell you otherwise. You wouldn't have been able to drink the Wild Phantom sake if you were mortal. It's, for all intents and purposes, a lethal toxin to humans. But naturally," she sighed, "drinking it doesn't harm the residents of the Netherworld in any way."

Reimu stared at her, her mouth gaping open. Just then, she realised she was floating above the ground in a manner very similar to Yuyuko.

"No way...You have got to be kidding me..." Suddenly, something occurred to her. "Wait, if everyone who crosses the border dies, how come your sidekick is still alive? There must be a way to cross the border without perishing"

But to her disappointment, Yuyuko once again shook her head. "Youmu - and her kind - are a special case. She was born here, which means a living state in the Netherworld is natural to her. Besides, as half human, half phantom she's only half alive in the first place. That's what allows her to exist in both worlds without issues."

"So, I'm really dead, huh? Permanently dead?"

"Yes, and that is why I cannot let you leave. A ghost without a real grudge remaining in the living world for too long...the results could be disastrous. That's not how it's meant to be, and you'd be hunted down by the shinigami day and night...And once you were caught, who knows what would happen to you with karma like yours? No, you're better off staying here in safety."

Reimu scowled. "This is bullshit."

Yuyuko tut-tutted. "Language, my dear." She reached out for her picnic basket. "Now, would you care for some more refreshments as we wait for Youmu to return the spring to its place?"

Reimu considered stomping away, but what good would that do when her feet couldn't even touch the ground she wanted to stomp?

"Fine," she spat, and reclaimed the sake cup. It could have been worse, after all. Still, something kept niggling at her.

"What about the barrier?" She ventured to ask.

"Barrier, dear?"

"You know, the Great Hakurei Barrier. You must have heard of it."

"I have." Yuyuko sighed and leaned over to pat Reimu's arm. "I think there's no longer any point in you worrying about that, my dear."

"But-"

"I'm certain my friend will fix it right up once she wakes up."

"But-"

"It shouldn't be a hassle, really. In fact," she waved her fan in front of her face. "It's possible the barrier wasn't damaged at all."

"But-"

"You entered the afterlife through very unconventional means, and while your soul has been severed from life, it doesn't necessarily mean it has been severed from the barrier as it normally would have been. Be as it may, you really oughtn't worry about the living in afterlife. It'll be fine."

"But..." Reimu's arguments had deflated. No matter what she said, it didn't seem to matter anyone.

"Gimme that bottle," she said and grabbed the sake. At least she wouldn't have to worry about liver cirrhosis ever again.

Yuyuko smiled gently as she chugged the toxic liquid down. "I dare say you'll get used to the Netherworld in no time, my friend."


End file.
